We are exploring the theme of ‘Winning and Losing’ in life and discuss how failures provide opportunities and lessons to help us grow and move forward. With a collection of books that covers selfishness, perfectionism, autonomy, self-doubt and trauma to name a few, we will learn how to shift our perspectives, conquer our fears and accept failure as a stepping stone to future success. 

Australian Paralympic Swimmer and leading international advocate for diversity, inclusion, and disability awareness Jessica Smith OAM shares her expertise on the subject. 

Life, with all its ups and downs and everything in between, can at times feel like a rollercoaster. Learning how to navigate this journey is a skill that takes time to develop.

So, how can you help young children understand that it's okay if things don't always go as planned? Teaching them how to handle both winning and losing is a great place to start.

From board games to competitive sports, encounters with both victory and defeat will arise many times throughout your child's life. These crucial early play experiences help us learn how to process our emotions. Teaching your child how to recognise their feelings and react appropriately around others is an important life skill that will aid them in socialising and in learning how to celebrate life's joys while also weathering more challenging moments.

Losing a game or finishing last in a race may seem like a small matter, but it can be a tough moment for a child. Very young children, aged 0-2, have yet to grasp the concept of games, and their play often occurs independently or alongside another child.

Young children may struggle to express all their emotions or understand some of their feelings. They might cry, become upset, or excitedly proclaim, "I won, I won," as part of their learning process. Eventually, they should develop better reactions to winning and losing in various situations, but this transformation often requires guidance from you, the parent or caregiver.

At the end of the day, we want our kids to have fun and be enthusiastic about competition, all while learning about rules, respect, encouragement, and empathy, both for themselves and for others.

Teaching children about the concepts of winning and losing offers valuable life lessons:

• The Imperfect Nature of the World: Children come to realize that life doesn't always unfold in their favor. It's important for them to understand that experiencing a loss can be a valuable lesson and that they should maintain the hope of future successes.
• Continuous Self-Improvement: Losing serves as a reminder that nobody is perfect, and there's always room for growth and development. This realization helps prevent overconfidence and fosters a sense of ongoing self-improvement.
• Recognizing Strengths and Weaknesses: Children often strive for excellence in various aspects of their lives, be it in games, academics, or other competitive endeavors. However, encountering failure teaches them that it's okay not to excel in every area. This understanding is crucial for building healthy and mutually beneficial relationships with others.
• Perseverance: Children should learn that losing is not the end of the road. It's an opportunity to learn from mistakes, adapt strategies, and make another attempt. Encouraging them to try again, explore new approaches, and celebrating their wins motivates them to keep striving.
• Avoiding the Blame Game: It's important to teach children not to shift blame onto others or circumstances when they face setbacks. Encouraging responsibility and accountability by accepting losses and using them as opportunities for growth is a valuable life lesson.

0-2 Years 

• Begin with a Game... Games offer an opportunity for everyone to experience both victory and defeat. You can select a game familiar to the child, such as coin-tossing or board games. Then, explain to the child that in the game, there's a possibility of winning or losing. Observe the child's reactions when they lose. Clarify that in games, there will always be winners and losers, and nobody can emerge victorious every time. Emphasize that the enjoyment comes from the spirit of competition and fair play when engaging with friends and classmates.

• Playing fairly involves understanding and adhering to the rules of the game, whether they are specific family rules for card or board games or the rules in weekend sports. It also encompasses learning social rules, such as cooperation, taking turns, displaying politeness, problem-solving, and flexibility. Playing fairly helps children relish the experience of playing together and is a vital aspect of harmonious social interaction. When children get along well with others, they feel a sense of belonging and thrive. Children acquire knowledge about fair play by observing your actions and words. Following the rules, accepting referee decisions, and being a good sport set a positive example for your children. Even on the sidelines, you can serve as a role model by offering encouraging phrases like "Better luck next time," "Good effort," or "Well played."

• Competition can be beneficial for children. When children compete with one another, the game transforms into a challenge that motivates them to give their best. This can enhance their skills, instill discipline and concentration, and boost their self-esteem. 

3-5 Years

• Begin with a Game... Games offer an opportunity for everyone to experience both victory and defeat. You can select a game familiar to the child, such as coin-tossing or board games. Then, explain to the child that in the game, there's a possibility of winning or losing. Observe the child's reactions when they lose. Clarify that in games, there will always be winners and losers, and nobody can emerge victorious every time. Emphasize that the enjoyment comes from the spirit of competition and fair play when engaging with friends and classmates.

• Playing fairly involves understanding and adhering to the rules of the game, whether they are specific family rules for card or board games or the rules in weekend sports. It also encompasses learning social rules, such as cooperation, taking turns, displaying politeness, problem-solving, and flexibility. Playing fairly helps children relish the experience of playing together and is a vital aspect of harmonious social interaction. When children get along well with others, they feel a sense of belonging and thrive. Children acquire knowledge about fair play by observing your actions and words. Following the rules, accepting referee decisions, and being a good sport set a positive example for your children. Even on the sidelines, you can serve as a role model by offering encouraging phrases like "Better luck next time," "Good effort," or "Well played."

• Competition can be beneficial for children. When children compete with one another, the game transforms into a challenge that motivates them to give their best. This can enhance their skills, instill discipline and concentration, and boost their self-esteem. 

6-9 Years 

Engaging in organized sports offers numerous psychological and social benefits to children, surpassing the physical aspects of play. This is attributed to the social dynamics of team involvement and interaction with peers and adults.

• Sport instills vital life skills beyond physical prowess. It equips children with effective coping strategies for life's challenges. Sports entail both victories and defeats, teaching children how to handle both gracefully. Becoming a gracious loser requires maturity and practice, enabling children to navigate disappointment and adversities, fostering resilience. Participating in sports aids in emotional regulation and the constructive expression of negative emotions. It cultivates patience and underscores the importance of persistent effort in skill improvement, skills that extend beyond the field into other aspects of life, including academics.

• Team sports contribute significantly to the development of essential social skills. They teach cooperation, selflessness, and active listening. Moreover, team participation fosters a sense of belonging, facilitating the formation of friendships and expanding social circles beyond school. Discipline is a fundamental aspect of team sports, with children expected to adhere to rules, accept decisions, and acknowledge potential consequences for misconduct. This encourages them to follow instructions from coaches, referees, and other authority figures, reinforcing teamwork values. Engaging in physical activity during sports stimulates brain chemicals that enhance emotional well-being, contributing to children's overall emotional health. Research indicates a positive correlation between sports participation and children's self-esteem, bolstered by team support, coach encouragement, and personal achievements.

• Parents play a crucial role in their children's sports experiences. To maintain their child's interest and enjoyment in sports, parents should focus on creating a positive atmosphere. Emphasizing fun, effort, and physical activity rather than just winning or losing is essential. Praising team efforts and the endeavors of other children, even in the absence of victory, helps instill a positive sporting attitude. Encouraging children to strive and do their best is also pivotal. Parents should ensure their sideline comments are constructive and supportive, refraining from criticizing children for mistakes, and refraining from any form of abuse directed at teams, umpires, or other players. Ultimately, fostering a positive sports experience contributes to children's holistic development.

More remarkable than celebrating your child's victory in a significant game is witnessing how well they manage disappointment. These instances should not be overlooked. Similar to the emphasis on acknowledging effort rather than solely outcomes, it's essential to highlight your child's capacity to navigate challenging circumstances adeptly. This is a valuable skill that has enduring benefits. When your children realize they can effectively handle tough situations once, they gain the confidence to confront such challenges again in the future.